Thursday, December 18, 2008

Revelations 13:1, Win, Show, or Place...

Consider this: Barack Obama is the Antichrist. Seriously. Google "Revelations" + "Antichrist" and he's the first link at the top of the page. Waaaay before the porn. So, you know, it must be true. Oh, wait, never mind. I just read this guy's t-shirt standing in line at the bank (That's right, I blog on my iPhone at the bank. Don't question it, that's just how I roll.); it turns out Obama is actually the saviour of all mankind. According to the shirt in question, he's somewhere between Malcolm X, Martin Luther King Jr. and Jesus. I'm not kidding, all these people were on his shirt, and for some reason all covered in sequins. I was blinded by hope...and sequins. Something tells me that if Obama doesn't walk on water while simultaneously being portrayed by Denzel Washington in the Oscar-nominated movie/state of the union address/sermon on the mount of pure, unadulterated awesome that will inevitably follow his inauguration, then this gentleman standing in front of me will lose his mind, filling with sadness and despair the likes of which he hasn't felt since he was 9 and found out that Santa Claus was dead.

Don't get me wrong; I'm psyched that Obama won the election. For the first time since I've been able to vote, the guy that I voted for actually won; so that's got me pumped. And for the first time in the better part of a decade, the American public at large has finally seemed to really and truly step away from that snuggly little cocoon of warm, wooly fear and hatred that's kept us truckin' since the early aughts and has embraced the idea that we're all well and truly fucked and it's about time to stop bitching about it and get some serious shit done. But the level of reaction has me wary. I expected the fire and brimstone reaction from Crazy McStumpfuck and his flannel-hat-with-earflaps wearin', queer-beatin' ('cuz Gawd says it's WRONG and not 'cuz they fill us with feelins our hearts dare not dream possible!), cousin rapin' ilk, but the other side of the coin has me shaking my head, too. Maybe ten years of soul-raping disappointment from the American political system has me jaded, but it seems that any time you put all your hopes and dreams for the future on the shoulders of one man, no matter what happens, you're going to be disappointed.

Still, Barack Obama represents something we haven't had in this country in a long time: The American Dream. I'm not talking about the winning the lottery and then going in to your suck ass job and quitting by taking a shit on your boss' desk dream; that's still a beautiful impossibility. I'm speaking of the promise we're all given by virtue of living in America and taking some form of grade school history: That you will be treated fairly. That your government works for you and that it will do everything that it can to ensure that sacred responsibility is upheld and that, rich or poor, you really do have a shot at things you want (you know, except the desk-shitting).

Obama is no savior. He's just this guy, man. Smart guy, sure, but we're not going to wake up next month to puppies and rainbows forever and ever. But he might be that rarest of all politicians: the realistic idealist. He's got some big ideas, but he seems to realize it's going to actually take work and thoughtful consideration and a lot of help to get there. Let's just hope the giant clusterfuck he's walking into doesn't break him down like it has so many.

And if he is the Antichrist...still, you know. The Apocalypse. That'll be neat.

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